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Choosing Between Love and Ego


Is it better to lose your ego to the one you love or lose the one you love to your ego?

Love is happy when it is able to give something.
Ego is happy when it is able to take something!

– Osho

Ego fulfills areas of our life where we feel most vulnerable, it is a derivation of a mix of beliefs.

The ego is the mind’s identity of our own construction, an identity which is false. We are more than just the mind.  If we take all the beliefs of what we are – beliefs about our personality, talents, and abilities – we have the structure of our ego.  These talents, abilities and aspects of our personality will be attributes of our skills, but the mental construct of our “self” is an illusion.  And while this description might make the ego seem like a static thing, it is not. Rather, it is an active and dynamic part of our personalities, playing an immense role in creating emotional drama in our lives.

The ego is difficult to define because the ego isn’t one specific thing.  It is actually made up of many different beliefs that a person acquires over their life. Those beliefs can be diverse and even contradictory. 

It’s a net of beliefs woven together and appears at times when we are scared, angry, lack confidence, insecure and so on. We wear it as a mask to appear strong.

We all have ego; we all hide our areas of weaknesses behind our ego. The effort is to recognise it and why it exists so we can start making the shift because it is an illusion of the mind. We are actually all whole and complete and to acknowledge this is the journey we need to trek on. 

 I remember a conversation I had with my husband, and I felt, “He doesn’t know me for who I am.” Later that week I had a conversation with my father-in-law and ended up the same way; even after explaining myself, I felt he didn’t know who I was. 

I took notice of the pattern, trying to release the pain in my morning meditation, I started digging, and the core belief was ego. The very fact I was getting triggered by these conversations and was feeling attacked I had to ask myself multiple questions and dig deep to find out that my ego was being hurt. I then started working on what is ego and what is its purpose and how to let go of it.

My learning on “ego” from that episode and multiple others was that we may think we have no ego if we are humble and kind, and we live a simple life and are serving humanity and our families. However, ego exists deeper than we think. 

It exists when we feel someone doesn’t know “me” or when we feel they don’t recognise/ appreciate or love me for who “I” am. 

“I” is the ego that exists within us. “I” is the personality aspect of us and when it is separate from our consciousness we live with ego. When our personality is not aligned with our soul is when we need the ego to prove who we are. It’s an Illusion we create to make ourselves feel worthy. 

It’s when we are not in a loving relationship with our ‘self’.  It’s when we are not connected to the consciousness within us.

How can the shift happen?

When we accept, appreciate and acknowledge ourselves for who we are – we start gaining the courage to unmask. When we start knowing the soul that resides inside the personality that is when we start receiving authentic power to embrace our “self”. It is when we connect to the inner being. 

Love starts with us, Love is a state of being it has nothing to do with anyone else. When we become love and love ourselves for who we are by knowing and connecting to our inner self, that’s when the shift happens. When we develop a deeper connection with ourselves is when we can let go of all that we are not and all that doesn’t serve us or our relationships. It’s a process to consider.

Then, we are not at all affected by people around us – when we accept who we are then we are not bothered by others not recognising us. When we love ourselves then we are not disturbed by others not loving us. When in love we live and give with no expectations.

It is important to be aware that we are who we are for a reason, and when we become conscious of that, we start embarking on our true journey and purpose. If you let ego be alive, you will lose your true purpose. 

Recognise ego, awaken to your reason to incarnate!

This article was originally written by Meher Mirchandani for Thrive Global. It was first published on 25 August 2020.

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